Mark Lewis: Mutism isn’t a compassionate option either; silence can be mistaken for a figurative shrug of aloofness

Mark Lewis shared a post on X:

“Whenever a patient dies & I find myself dumbstruck, I quote to the mourning family President Lincoln’s remarkable, timeless letter to Mrs. Bixby:

‘I feel how weak & fruitless must be any words of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming.’

For me, I’m not sure anyone else has better expressed the sense of tongue-tied inadequacy which comes with conveying condolences in a manner that doesn’t sound trite

But mutism isn’t a compassionate option either; silence can be mistaken for a figurative shrug of aloofness.

So while I do understand the readymade appeal of a Hallmark card’s professional word-smithing, I think it’s also meaningful to express — however clumsily — a genuine sentiment from the heart.

The stages of grief are well-described, of course, but few people ever warned me just how very *lonely* it can feel

So unburden yourself of the pressure to say “the right thing” (you can’t) & try not to leave even the inarticulate unsaid

It is, indeed, the thought that counts.”

Source: Mark Lewis/X

Mark A. Lewis is the Director of Gastrointestinal Oncology at Intermountain Healthcare in Utah, the Co-Chair of adolescent and young adult (AYA) oncology in the SWOG cooperative group, and the Vice President of American Multiple Endocrine Neoplasia Support.

Dr. Lewis is also a well-known patient advocate and social media influencer. His interests are neuroendocrine tumors and cancer syndromes.