1. How did your own cancer journey shape the way you approached supporting and mentoring other patients?
My own cancer journey taught me very quickly that there is a difference between having people around you and having someone who truly understands what you are going through. When I was first diagnosed, I received so much medical information, but I also had all of the emotional questions and fears that came with the diagnosis and no one to help with them. I realized how valuable it would be to talk with someone who had actually walked the same road I was on and made it to the other side.
After my first cancer experience, a friend introduced me to Cancer Hope Network. My immediate reaction was, “I want to help.” I realized that if I could take what I had experienced—the fear, uncertainty, treatment, and recovery and use it to make someone else feel a little less alone, then something positive could come from what I had been through.
Over a ten-year period, I had three additional cancer diagnoses. Those experiences gave me a deeper understanding of others’ experiences and even more empathy to help them. I never tell someone, “I know exactly how you feel,” because I never presume that I do. But I can say, “I’ve been scared. I’ve had those questions. I’ve sat in that chair. I understand what it feels like not to know what comes next.” Sometimes having someone who can simply say, “I’ve been there,” can make an enormous difference.
2. Could you tell us about Cancer Hope Network and the work you do there?
Cancer Hope Network is built around a very simple but powerful idea: no one should have to face cancer alone. The organization connects people facing cancer, as well as their caregivers, with trained Peer Mentors who have their own firsthand experience with cancer.
The beauty of the program is that it’s one-on-one and personalized. You’re not just giving someone a brochure or giving them general information. You’re connecting them with a person who has been through a similar experience and can listen, understand, encourage and share what helped them.
I became involved as a volunteer mentor in 2000, and I later worked for Cancer Hope Network helping facilitate matches between patients and mentors. I’ve had the privilege of speaking with and mentoring more than 200 people.
What I love about Cancer Hope Network is that we don’t tell people how they should feel or how they should handle their cancer. We meet them where they are. Sometimes they need information. Sometimes they need to cry. Sometimes they simply need somebody to listen. Sometimes they just need to hear that somebody else got through a difficult day and eventually found their way forward.
Today, Cancer Hope Network provides free, personalized one-on-one peer support from trained survivors and caregivers, with matches based on a person’s diagnosis, treatment and individual circumstances.
3. You have been a mentor with Cancer Hope Network for more than 20 years. What have you learned from the people you have mentored, and how has being a mentor changed you as well?
I’ve learned that there is no single way to experience cancer. Even when two people have the same diagnosis, their circumstances, their fears, their families and their personalities can be completely different.
I’ve also learned that people are incredibly resilient. I’ve talked to people at some of the lowest moments of their lives, and I’ve watched them find strength they didn’t know they had. Sometimes that strength comes from their family. Sometimes it’s their faith. Sometimes it’s a friend, a mentor or simply the decision to take one day at a time.
And the truth is, the people I’ve mentored have given me at least as much as I’ve given them. They have reminded me to be grateful, to listen more carefully and not to take an ordinary day for granted. There is always something about my mentee’s story that inspires me. While I help them, they are helping me. Ours is a beautiful relationship of give and take.
Being a mentor has also changed the way I look at my own cancer experience. Cancer will always be a piece of my life, but it doesn’t define my entire life. I’ve been able to take something that was frightening and painful and turn it into a way of connecting with other people and giving them hope.
That’s been one of the great gifts of my life.
4. From your experience, what do people need most when they are first diagnosed with cancer, particularly beyond the medical information they receive?
They need someone to help them realize that a diagnosis is not the end of the story.
Of course, medical information is critically important. You need good doctors, you need to understand your diagnosis, and you need to understand your treatment options. But emotionally, the period right after diagnosis can be overwhelming. Your mind starts racing: “Am I going to die? What’s going to happen to my family? What will treatment be like? How do I tell people? How am I going to get through this?”
I think people need someone who can listen without judgment and without immediately trying to fix everything. They need to know that it’s okay to be frightened. It’s okay not to have all the answers.
And they need hope—not false promises or somebody telling them that everything is going to be wonderful, but the kind of hope that says, “You don’t know what’s going to happen yet. Let’s take this one step at a time.”
That’s one of the reasons peer mentoring is so powerful. A doctor can tell you what your treatment is going to be. A person who has lived through something similar can tell you, “I remember being afraid, too. Here’s how I got through that part.” That connection can be incredibly reassuring. Cancer Hope Network was founded on precisely that need for firsthand connection and reassurance.
5. You spoke about the importance of surrounding yourself with people who are good for you and being thoughtful about who you open up to. What advice would you give to someone facing cancer about building their support system and finding the right people to lean on?
Be intentional about who you let into your circle.
When you have cancer, everybody has an opinion. People may tell you about somebody they know who had cancer, or they’ll give you advice, or they’ll tell you a story that may not be helpful to you at all. People mean well, but that doesn’t mean their energy is what you need.
You need people who make you feel safe. People who listen. People who respect your choices. People who don’t make you feel like you have to put on a brave face all the time.
And don’t be afraid to set boundaries. If there are people who leave you feeling more anxious or discouraged, it’s okay to step back. This is a time when you must put yourself first and protect your emotional energy.
Family and friend support is extremely beneficial during one’s cancer journey. For me, there came a time when loved ones had given me all the support they could, but I needed more. I encourage people to look beyond their immediate family and friends. Sometimes the person who understands you best is someone you meet through a support organization, because they have walked through cancer themselves. That’s what makes a Cancer Hope Network mentor so special. You can talk about things with someone who doesn’t need a long explanation—they already understand the experience.
6. You also mentioned that it is important not to force positivity and that it is okay to have a “pity party,” but perhaps with a time limit. What have you learned about allowing yourself to experience difficult emotions while still finding a way forward?
I’ve learned that you can’t force yourself to be positive every minute of every day. That’s not realistic, and I don’t think it’s healthy.
There are going to be days when you’re angry. There are going to be days when you’re scared. There are going to be days when you feel sorry for yourself. And I think you must give yourself permission to have those feelings.
I call it having a pity party—but I believe in putting a time limit on it. Give yourself permission to say, “Today stinks. I’m scared. I’m angry. I’m going to cry.” That’s okay. But then, when you’re ready, you get up and you take the next step.
That doesn’t mean you have to suddenly become cheerful or pretend everything is fine. Moving forward can be something very small. Make the phone call. Go to the appointment. Take a walk. Talk to somebody you trust. Get through today.
I’ve learned that hope doesn’t mean you’re happy all the time. Hope means that even when things are difficult, you believe there is still a reason to keep moving forward.
7. After more than two decades of turning your own lived experience into support for others, what is the most important piece of advice you would give to someone who has just received a cancer diagnosis?
Don’t give up hope, and don’t try to do this alone.
A diagnosis is a diagnosis. It is not a prediction of how your entire life is going to turn out. You have to get busy finding the right people, the doctors you trust, the family and friends who support you, and people who understand what you’re going through.
Ask questions. Advocate for yourself. Take things one step at a time. And give yourself permission to feel whatever you’re feeling. You don’t have to be strong every second.
Most importantly, remember that cancer is something you’re going through; it is not who you are.
I’ve had cancer more than once, and I know how frightening that can be. But I’ve also learned that there can be life, purpose, friendship, gratitude and even joy on the other side of a diagnosis.
My relationship with hope has grown since my first cancer experience. I can now say that we are best friends. Hope doesn’t mean that you know exactly what tomorrow will bring. It means you don’t give up on tomorrow.
Never underestimate the power of hope.
Interview by Carmen Monge-Montero.
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