Caryn Lerman, Director of Norris Comprehensive Cancer Center at Keck Medicine of USC, shared on LinkedIn:
“Not My Circus Anymore
A few days ago, I finally changed my work email signature from Cancer Center Director to Director Emerita.
What the F – does emerita even mean? Technically, it means ‘retired with honor,’ which sounds like I’ve been put out to a dignified pasture. I kept it in the signature partly because it signals a hand-off rather than a disappearing act – and partly because if I survived the job, I’m keeping the damn Latin.
The first morning after stepping down was weird. I woke up with a mental list of three things I immediately needed to text my old team about – reminders, nudges, fires to put out. Then I had to physically put my phone down and remind myself: Not your circus anymore. Step back.
Here’s my take on executive decompression: your 3:00 AM anxiety brain doesn’t retire when you leave a major leadership role. It just downgrades the material.
Two weeks ago, I was waking up in the middle of the night worrying about transition strategy and budget cuts. Now I wake up at 3:00 AM wondering if I’m going to miss my connecting flight to DC – or if my pharmacy is going to be delayed restocking my estrogen patches.
Nature abhors a vacuum, and apparently so does my nervous system.
Ten days into sabbatical, my days are totally unglamorous. I’m writing grants again (which I genuinely love), taking on new mentees, stumbling through Spanish, and tending to my two very demanding new direct reports who care deeply about poop schedules and treat distribution.
It turns out that when you strip away the title and the compressed calendar, what’s left isn’t an identity crisis. It’s just your actual life – and your pharmacy refill schedule – waiting for you to show up.”
Other articles about Caryn Lerman on OncoDaily.