Alique Topalian, Research Scientist of Survivorship and Supportive Services at the University of Cincinnati Cancer Center, shared on LinkedIn:
“Five years cancer free.
Sometimes it feels like I switched lives and ended up in a parallel universe.
I keep thinking about what I would tell 27-year-old Alique. Fresh out of her PhD, looking for jobs, disappointed and lost, then suddenly beginning inpatient cancer treatment. All I could think about was what cancer would do to my career. I thought I had failed.
Little did I know I was about to face death, come out the other side, and build a fuller, more authentic life than I ever imagined.
During six months in and out of the hospital, I couldn’t see friends or family. I couldn’t go outside or touch grass, dirt, or animals. After weeks breathing filtered hospital air, that first breath outside felt like a miracle.
Every night, I watched the sunset from my hospital room and thought about everything I still wanted to do.
I realized I wanted to do everything. I wanted adventures. Mountains and oceans and beautiful things. I wanted to see the world. I wanted to change the world. I wasn’t ready for my time to be done.
Crazy how facing death can make you realize you weren’t truly living. Five years later, I’ve changed careers, become a cancer advocate, spoken across the country, advocated on Capitol Hill, gotten married, climbed mountains, rappelled off cliffs, traveled the world, and said yes to adventures I once would have saved for ‘someday.’
But the greatest transformation isn’t on my CV. I learned to take up space. Cancer taught me to advocate for myself, first in healthcare and then everywhere else.
I stopped being afraid to ask questions. I stopped making myself small. I started sending the email, saying hello, taking the leap, and doing the thing that scared me.
The girl I was five years ago died the day I was diagnosed. Since then, piece by piece, moment by moment, I have come back to life.
I’ve also lost people I love along the way. They taught me something I will carry forever: if someone matters to you, tell them. Don’t wait to share the memory or say how much they have touched your life.
Say it while they are here. I still live with the feeling that I’m running out of time. Maybe part of me always will. But instead of letting that fear keep me from living, I let it remind me to live as beautifully and freely as I can.
I am so thankful for this second chance. And if I could sit beside that terrified 27-year-old girl, watching the sunset from her hospital room, I would tell her:
You make it to the other side. You survive. You thrive. You build a life beyond your wildest dreams. You become the person you always wanted to be but never knew how to become.
Nothing will ever be perfect.
But this is pretty close.”
You can also read:
Cancer Survivorship, Holistic Healing and Patient Advocacy with Rohini Singh Sisodia
