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Carol Beth Anderson: I’d like to talk about one of the hard things about a journey like this…
Sep 21, 2023, 18:35

Carol Beth Anderson: I’d like to talk about one of the hard things about a journey like this…

Quoting Carol Beth Anderson on X/Twitter:

”Four months ago yesterday, my husband was diagnosed with stomach cancer (AKA gastric cancer). A couple of weeks later, we found out it was metastatic/distant (stage IV). He’s now gone through 7 biweekly rounds of chemo and immunotherapy. As far as we know, the cancer is responding to treatment. It was at his PET scan 6 weeks ago. Hopefully the next scan (soon) will show the same.

I’d like to talk about one of the hard things about a journey like this.

It starts out, and it’s SO F***ING HARD. The shock, the appointments, the fire hose of information, the grief. But then, time goes on, and you learn to adjust and accept, and guess what? It’s STILL really, really hard. You can do all the self-care, and you can have friends you’re open with, and you can handle it so well that your therapist’s best advice is, “Keep doing what you’re doing.” And yet it’s STILL so hard.

You realize there’s nothing you can do to make this season of life easy. Some days, you feel great. Other days, you’re a wreck. Many days, it’s somewhere in between. But underneath it all, every day, you’re living in a new normal you didn’t want and wading through the shadows of fear and dread and uncertainty.

Even on the good days, it’s still a hard season. So you start pulling back, not talking as much about it with most people. Because as wonderful as your friends (and even strangers) are, as much as they say, “Be yourself, & let those ugly emotions out,” you don’t want to be the one who brings a black cloud into every conversation, who monopolizes with your grief & your processing. Nobody tells you that you’re a downer; no one even hints at that; but you fear you are anyway.

You wonder if maybe you should be one of those optimistic people who just believes it’s all going to be okay, who smiles widely and seems buoyed by faith and joy. But you don’t feel like that person at all, and you don’t want to fake it, because your reality is this: Cancer feels so BIG, and it’s hard to see beyond it … beyond what is NOW, and how different it is from what was BEFORE, and how scared you are about what might be COMING.

So no, I’m not talking every day about being a cancer wife. But every once in a while, I might need to just come out like I am today, and give you a peek into my hurting heart and say, “Yeah. It’s still really, really hard.”‘

Source: Carol Beth Anderson/Twitter